The new guy in our group at work has been here less than a couple of months. Today he came up to my manager and the following conversation ensued:

New guy: Did L*** quit?? [L*** is a another co-worker]
Manager: No, why?
New guy: His cube is empty.
Manager: Oh, he works remotely from Colorado most of the time.
New guy: Huh.. The map on the sheet posted outside the aisle says someone else is in his cube... Crazy Swede?

Damn, I'm going to miss this place..

George related this gem at the Zend Conference. Someone (let's call him Bob) came up to him, and had this exchange:

Bob: If you were a PHP function.. which function would you be?
George: <unblinking stare of incredulity>
Bob: I am part Native American, so I think I would be apache_terminate_child().
George: <backs away slowly>

Overheard while walking into the exhibit hall at the Zend PHP Conference:

A girl (dressed in company X attire, speaking to a guy next to her): I don't do sex. I just practice a lot.

Vernon is a friend of mine at Yahoo!, who invariably comes up with things that stick in your head for a while. He's funny, to say the least. The latest:

Vernon: If you ever need to kick an old grandma to death, Slayer is the music to do it to.. No wait, Ministry is better.

Seen on the cafeteria lunch menu at work:

Stockpot: Scarlet Runner Bean Soup with Ham Hocks

I hesitate to ask what "scarlet runner" means in this context. And in general, to think of it. Although, mmmm, ham hocks.